Rock erodes with time, season changes too
I'm the only one waiting for you
The wall clock swaps in every second
Mundane things I say
Every morning goes like a moribund state
Yet I still feel my pulse and heart beats
Yeah I'm living that's the sign
Else I couldn't find none...
Lively jolly energetic I called myself
Now suffocating in the murk
I'm mutable so I have morphed
Now got easy with the musk.
Its so truely stated that " Expectation always hurts". So does it happens every time with every one I guess. Some truth which are hard cored still accepting them is necessary..
Some truth I realised in my just 21 years of life though its short and I am not so much experienced about this world. Still they are..
1st truth:
At the last no one remains with us. We are always lonely. Just one after another character changes in our life leaving lots and lots of memories with us.
2nd truth:
Misinterpretation of love is always prevailing in this world. Where love is not eternal rather only left as earthly desire.
3rd truth:
Happiness never come without searching. In this imperfect world searching for perfection is a fool's deed. Compromising the flaws and assuring them as perfect is only desirable.
4th truth:
Nothing in this world is static. People change so does their view and behaviour. And not a single friendship is done without some underlying interest.
5th truth:
Show this world what they want to see. If you dont they will drown you in dark from where there is no returning.
6th truth:
You can face this ruthless world till you can face yourself. The person in mirror can't be lied. If you can see in his eyes you can held your head high in what ever may be the circumstances.
7th truth:
Everything comes later first comes our own happiness. May be we falsify we are all selfish and self centered in some way or the other
These are some seven truth I found...and these are the seven vows I took to rejuvenate my life again....
Who says a girl and a guy can't be friends? Who says there can be only love in between them?
Well then in my case I would say Friends are just friends irrespective of gender,class,age,caste and creed. Silly things doesn't come in between such a wonderful relationship that's FRIENDSHIP.
Now, actually defining him.. well to initiate I met him first time when I was in my 11th standard. That time we used to hardly talk. Just knew he was there just like other guys in the class.
time elapsed...11..12...
then came to college accidently in the same city that's bhopal..though in different college. Again time played its game...we met that was also accidently..
From there gradually we started being friends...
Firstly just smses(THANKS to mobile technology) then going back home together..thats where we actually started talking...in 2year of college...
Then it went on.Now gradually from unknown, known by name, friends became best friends...
..here I'm actually trying to define he craziness...madness...
From midnight to morning light
We used to talk and Chat
Talking of things which were silly some times
Sometimes U say and I look as poker face
Still keep on enlightening without a occlude
Laughing on your pet name "gochu"
Or rechristening the blogs you manage
Making words sound different..
Using "Egg-xactly" instead
These stupid things are in between us
These things makes us laugh
We cry we smile its day or night
We share words makes life bright
You inspire me for repeating the good
And I seriously think of making a move
This is how we keep on going..
This is how we keep on going..
Spelling "okai" and my "totu"
You never knew this coz u r a "gochu"
Then you say " arey pagli tere liye kuch bhi"
These make me laugh even i'm stroppy
This is how I can defining you
Defining each day with laughter anew..
P.S- this poem is dedicated to my friend zave aka gourab.Thanks for being in my life coz u brighten my life :)
It's never been easy to forget you dear
It's never been easy to smile without tear
It's never been easy to walk alone
It's never been easy to cover my wounds
It's never been easy to stop my heart's call
It's never been easy to wipe them all
It was a fling, It was fun
But for me it was feelings
I believed my heart, I believed in you
I believed in the promises all you do
The scar I have will be there forever
I'm in miasma, I know it's over
Still more hurdles yet to come
More pains to bear till I get numb
Oh lord... give me strength
Someday I'll shine again...
One after another erasing the memories
Moments drilled inside can't be wiped
Still trying hard to move on further
Shackles pull me behind
Trying to destroy the dream once build
Trying to forget the freezed flicker
Trying to live as machines like before
Trying to forget my loss of love
Tender was my love
It grown and florished
Now smashing it with my own hand
Its the need of fate and time
That consolation I gave myself
Now losing the treasured moments
I know next pain awaits for me
Fury and guilt will soon take its place
Tears will again be seen
What I'm losing I know
But losing it is might help
Uncertain about my steps
Uncertain about future
Still the truth is to be accepted
I lost the last sign...
May everyone leaves me in the middle of the road,
May everyone forget me as I never existed,
May I never get a shoulder to cry,
May I never get a hand to help
But I know You'll never leave me alone
You'll never leave me to face this world
You'll never abandon my trust
Coz you are my world now...
It's beautiful I know..the beauty of black & white
I fell in love with words & etymo's
Long time ago I knew its the best
Still gone blind for the earthly pleasure
Now it bewitch me as the glamorous queen
My superfluous emotions drives me now
They are my knight saving me from the den of dark
Even this zing of shindig can't replace it
I was supine, I sulked about ill's
But this behoved to take me in right way
Took me to the roads of light
WhereI host my showcase
This is life..this is life
Now rebouncing to the forgotten path...
Today thought of analysing this picture. What you see??? 6 girls posing to get themselves clicked? well yes you are quite true every one is giving their best smile so that they have these memories.well i am also in between them. third one from the left. can you guess why are they here?? probably friends hanging out somewhere.
This not what i want to say. it has a deeper meaning for me than simple hang out.
I'm running away from my thoughts. when loneliness hover it lefts you blizzard. damages the sheets of your mind. You can cry aloud but the person reason for it can't hear. Its no use of being wealing on the wound.
Being the person as the world around you wants is not so difficult. wearing a mask a fake smile is not so difficult. Being as the world accept you is also not so difficult and smiling enjoying in crowd to run away from tears is also not EASY..
"sometimes the cards we are dealt are not always fair. However you must keep smiling & moving on"
Walking across the cemetery...I felt the music...the winds blew in a rhythmic hue. The soft winds touched me. This is how the silence speaks...
silence the purest music true from heart..even if you don't say anything you say a lot...enjoying the unsaid words..
Guilty you call me but I know I can stand in front of the world...my silence doesn't show I'm weak. I means I'm strong enough to let it go..
Gone forever still I hallucinate that you are present...Its just non acceptance of truth..but the silence speaks..it speaks the forlorn...
"How like a winter hath my absence been
From thee, the pleasure of the fleeting year!
What freezing's have I felt, what dark days seen!
What old December's bareness everywhere!"
-William Shakespeare,"Sonnet XCVII"
Its my 21st birthday..I guess I should quote the famous lines from the movie 21.."Winner winner chicken dinner"...but its like playing with my emotions... am I a winner???...God knows whats the meaning of winner in life mean...Is is portraits only the materialistic world or having your dreams realized..then the word "loser" will better define me...
For me winning means winning smile...first and foremost my own...so here i am a loser again...I lost my smile dont know where...my reason of losing smile says that i am responsible for making myself cry...Then even a dumbest person in the world wont do it to himself...May be I'm graded even below...
Birthdays are so very special..waiting for that single day for the whole year...even if we get a year older still excited about that day...but this birthday is so very special...i got my best birthday gift...
"with tears in my eyes...with a boulevard of myseries i am again a alone..lost love forever....still thanks to that person...such gifts are so very rare yet precious to keep in heart..."
Some thing across my mind is going on. I feel I have changed. How I was???
The same person no longer exsists..its good to be like this or bad I am unable to understand. Now I don't feel the pain. Did this happened coz I'm enough hurt. Beared a lot??? Or my senses are numb now???
I can't answer my own question...I can't see any path..I feel emptiness, void all around..as if happiness never exsisted...the moments are stagnant...minutes turn hours...why it happened??? or rather why I let this happen???
Remembering the past was not in my blood...I moved forward...in every second...but I'm unable to do so...living a mechanical life...where life has no meaning...I want to be happy...But a force inside me restricts me to do so....
There's always been reasons to be happy and to be sad...still i used to choose the former...but even abandant reasons I have to be happy still my heart doesnt go with it...
Where is the deficiency??? where is the fault???
Is life is all about mistakes and repentance of it....or its about accounting how many more I have to see....
I have questions...I may answer them myself...but cant see where I'm answering..where I'm questioning....
its my 21st birth day after 3hrs and this is how I am feeling...
Pathetic i must say....:(
"Some say life ends with fire,some say it ends in earth. For me nothing matters the end and its aftermath. Experssion gone numb, it have been quiet a many days or months. The dream so flamboyant it may seem it has gone pale. Wounds heal with time they say but I'm clutching my weak vein enjoying the pain, the grieve, the shattered hopes pointing me that I'm jinxed. Love, loss and jeopardical sins took me in boulevard of rust. Mistakes showes its color, if you do you burn in guilt and for other you burn in fury.
Dreams are ephemeral and leave a strain. Walking with broken pieces needs strength...strength to walk along..till the end..
Its a epitome of epilaph...on greivance of my emotions...
P.S-love lost forever..that pain heals but leaves you damaged..
The breeze, The fall, The beaten path
Never seemed so lovely, Never been so warm
On the walk I travel alone to unite forever
Walking down the street envisage my lover
Seems I'm free from ennui as you cover
I look the pretty couples, I think of us
I see the soft touch in the scorchy sun
The shade in the bright day
The shawl which wraps me away
I feel so secured I feel you
One heart beating in body of two
The long journey the exhausting summer
Seems I don't care it's a vanity affair
I'm the queen of your heart
I'm the cause of your sleepless nights
Now going to hold your hand in front of the world
Bowing the oath of being together
Numb, my senses Eyes are dry
Day and night I just cry
I beat the wall, I want you to hear
But your voice search a answer
The question which remained unanswered
Repeats its traits ever and ever
My cries,My pain..the hurting vein
Became a story again and again
I search of peace, I search for a corner
Sitting there shedding tears
But the hurting eyes became unfaithful
Blinded with pain, can't find a tool
To solve this problem, To drive me out
From the clod of saddness
From the cobweb of remorse
I feel the cleaver chops me down
Let this life sunder the soul
The ever longing pain would never heal
Cracks can't be mended, It can't conceal
This pain will wither me out
As the cries remains unheard
Walking on the streets,
Shadows are only seen...
I see the lonely path
Darkness engulfed the world
Silence took the place of smile
Or I'm a deaf, I forgot the time
It's the time to walk alone
It's the time to be unseen
Unknown from the eyes of happiness
Sad pathetic as you feel
I'm the unholy beast I think
I'm the ruthless queen
I'm the conqueror, I'm the queen
I'm the reason for your eyes gleam
You think I shine like the morning sun
But truth is I'm a loner, I am all alone
When I smile I have the world with me
When I step I'm your heart's queen
I'm the winner of numerous beats
I'm the conqueror of lust
But the truth you hardly know
I sit and cry alone
Happiness are like dew
It's petite, It's few
Sometimes it came and dried in a second
Leaving me longing for yet again
I wait for someone I wait for you
Someday to shoulder me when no one knew
i thought a thousands thought about you
my thoughts seems mystic
i wanted to say a lot'
but my expression seems static
you never see the way i think of you
you want me to be as you want
but i can just say a word
accept me the way i was
i may not be your perfect one
i may not be the best you deserve
i can only say i gave you all my heart
i can only be loved
these words are too less
these are just what i face
never felt this way
never felt to say
i just wanted you to stay
and...
take me the way i am
my love....
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