Rebouncing Back

May everyone leaves me in the middle of the road,
May everyone forget me as I never existed,
May I never get a shoulder to cry,
May I never get a hand to help

But I know You'll never leave me alone
You'll never leave me to face this world
You'll never abandon my trust
Coz you are my world now...

It's beautiful I know..the beauty of black & white
I fell in love with words & etymo's
Long time ago I knew its the best
Still gone blind for the earthly pleasure
Now it bewitch me as the glamorous queen
My superfluous emotions drives me now

They are my knight saving me from the den of dark
Even this zing of shindig can't replace it
I was supine, I sulked about ill's
But this behoved to take me in right way

Took me to the roads of light
Where I host my showcase
This is life..this is life
Now rebouncing to the forgotten path...

Crowd

Today thought of analysing this picture. What you see??? 6 girls posing to get themselves clicked? well yes you are quite true every one is giving their best smile so that they have these memories.well i am also in between them. third one from the left. can you guess why are they here?? probably friends hanging out somewhere.
This not what i want to say. it has a deeper meaning for me than simple hang out.
I'm running away from my thoughts. when loneliness hover it lefts you blizzard. damages the sheets of your mind. You can cry aloud but the person reason for it can't hear.  Its no use of being wealing on the wound.
Being the person as the world around you wants is not so difficult. wearing a mask a fake smile is not so difficult. Being as the world accept you is also not so difficult and smiling enjoying in crowd to run away from tears is also not EASY..

"sometimes the cards we are dealt are not always fair. However you must keep smiling & moving on"

Silence

Walking across the cemetery...I felt the music...the winds blew in a rhythmic hue. The soft winds touched me. This is how the silence speaks...
silence the purest music true from heart..even if you don't say anything you say a lot...enjoying the unsaid words..

Guilty you call me but I know I can stand in front of the world...my silence doesn't show I'm weak. I means I'm strong enough to let it go..

Gone forever still I hallucinate that you are present...Its just non acceptance of truth..but the silence speaks..it speaks the forlorn...

"How like a winter hath my absence been
From thee, the pleasure of the fleeting year!
What freezing's have I felt, what dark days seen!
What old December's bareness everywhere!"
-William Shakespeare,"Sonnet XCVII"
 

My birthday gift

Its my 21st birthday..I guess I should quote the famous lines from the movie 21.."Winner winner chicken dinner"...but its like playing with my emotions... am I a winner???...God knows  whats the meaning of winner in life mean...Is is portraits only the materialistic world or having your dreams realized..then the word "loser" will better define me...

For me winning means winning smile...first and foremost my own...so here i am a loser again...I lost my smile dont know where...my reason of losing smile says that i am responsible for making myself cry...Then even a dumbest person in the world wont do it to himself...May be I'm graded even below...

Birthdays are so very special..waiting for that single day for the whole year...even if we get a year older still excited about that day...but this birthday is so very special...i got my best birthday gift...

"with tears in my eyes...with a boulevard of myseries i am again a alone..lost love forever....still thanks to that person...such gifts are so very rare yet precious to keep in heart..."

"I walk alone ..I walk alone"

where's my laughter?

Some thing across my mind is going on. I feel I have changed. How I was???
The same person no longer exsists..its good to be like this or bad I am unable to understand. Now I don't feel the pain. Did this happened coz I'm enough hurt. Beared a lot??? Or my senses are numb now???
I can't answer my own question...I can't see any path..I feel emptiness, void all around..as if happiness never exsisted...the moments are stagnant...minutes turn hours...why it happened??? or rather why I let this happen???
Remembering the past was not in my blood...I moved forward...in every second...but I'm unable to do so...living a mechanical life...where life has no meaning...I want to be happy...But a force inside me restricts me to do so....
There's always been reasons to be happy and to be sad...still i used to choose the former...but even abandant reasons I have to be happy still my heart doesnt go with it...
Where is the deficiency??? where is the fault???
Is life is all about mistakes and repentance of it....or its about accounting how many more I have to see....
I have questions...I may answer them myself...but cant see where I'm answering..where I'm questioning....
its my 21st birth day after 3hrs and this is how I am feeling...
Pathetic i must say....:(

Reminiscence

"Some say life ends with fire,some say it ends in earth. For me nothing matters the end and its aftermath. Experssion gone numb, it have been quiet a many days or months. The dream so flamboyant it may seem it has gone pale. Wounds heal with time they say but I'm clutching my weak vein enjoying the pain, the grieve, the shattered hopes pointing me that I'm jinxed. Love, loss and jeopardical sins took me in boulevard of rust. Mistakes showes its color, if you do you burn in guilt and for other you burn in fury.
  Dreams are ephemeral and leave a strain. Walking with broken pieces needs strength...strength to walk along..till the end..
Its a epitome of epilaph...on greivance of my emotions...



P.S-love lost forever..that pain heals but leaves you damaged..