where's my laughter?

Some thing across my mind is going on. I feel I have changed. How I was???
The same person no longer exsists..its good to be like this or bad I am unable to understand. Now I don't feel the pain. Did this happened coz I'm enough hurt. Beared a lot??? Or my senses are numb now???
I can't answer my own question...I can't see any path..I feel emptiness, void all around..as if happiness never exsisted...the moments are stagnant...minutes turn hours...why it happened??? or rather why I let this happen???
Remembering the past was not in my blood...I moved forward...in every second...but I'm unable to do so...living a mechanical life...where life has no meaning...I want to be happy...But a force inside me restricts me to do so....
There's always been reasons to be happy and to be sad...still i used to choose the former...but even abandant reasons I have to be happy still my heart doesnt go with it...
Where is the deficiency??? where is the fault???
Is life is all about mistakes and repentance of it....or its about accounting how many more I have to see....
I have questions...I may answer them myself...but cant see where I'm answering..where I'm questioning....
its my 21st birth day after 3hrs and this is how I am feeling...
Pathetic i must say....:(