Timestamped Me!!

They say when there is no Hiccups you don't live. DEAD..indeed and I'm talking about myself. My life if I start analyzing its pretty perfect...Job, family, friends, happy. Just the very picture I used to draw which was incomplete..its not complete now..its perfect. Now whats more??? what else left out??? where else I have to go further???? I know I missed love..though I feel it wont be necessary to fill that crater..that crater gave enough pain and now left permanently open..its never gonna fill again..Atleast not in my lifetime. The promise I made myself I will keep.."You'll be the last whether you stay or you leave". I'm tired to give others chance to love me..n I'm tired of myself. Now I believe in straight line graph..like a corpse..
No more I can bear the hiccups of emotions..which ran high when I felt love when I'm hurt..its like a sinusoidal curve..I'm tired to see these beauty of curvy path..Actually its not beauty its like more older I grow less risk taking I become..I can't take the risk of curves,I can't take the risk of  being hurt again..trying my protective shell..dwelling there life is easy..So I want it to be.
The Mechanical ME!!! waking every morning working strictly on the tick of clock..That's me..Can't take the risk of being late...
Where's the girl???..lazy, stupid, crushing on guys, loved to live...lived her life..
Yes!! she is dead..lay silent beneath the Unmarked grave..final peace she got..cold shabby yet rest peacefully under.
The robotic new twin wanders around with a business smile..They molded me..is it???
NO I got molded as it's time to be...everything is timestamped.   
~Smita

Foundation, mascara, compac, liner putting all together..yes I'm pretty. Underneath lies my UGLY face. Ugly face I come across when the glam goes off. Deeds bang back which I'm not proud of comes on my ugly face. Times when I made you cry..you saw my ugly face. Words hurt hard, tears rolled that's why I have a ugly face. The face I hide from the world. When the make-up is gone lies the skeleton of truth revealing my ugly face.. Were I'm ugly from the beginning? 
Innocent was my face, glimmered my eyes, smile as tender as grass I walked in my own utopia. And there awaited a dark knight ready to engulf me and leave me a scar..Made me Ugly.. dreadful. 
Time forgets it all..I wore my veil so long. .How it was without that..Can I forget that??? 
Pages of history turned back shown me It's not me...I'm just a doll with NO-Strings attached ..It only might seem..But if the strings are followed takes you to a rotten, withered past still alive to tether me, burn me in my own sins...Sins of past, cries unheard made me Beautiful today..The grave I cut for myself , the moments shattered will never be same...The mask I wear ..The lights fall on me show me I'm pretty..
Pretty...Yes! I'm pretty..

~Smita

Realization

Reintroduce yourself, do I know you?

The person I knew for years now lost forever

What if I can’t handle the new morphed face?

Will you strive to fill the crater?

Alone the word surfaced again in life

I still hold those placid moments

The virgin tranquility, the serene smile

Longing for what was never mine.

~Smita

ABANDON

Looking at the void, looking the past

Life repeats its color, it spells its cast

Yet again I’m abandoned

Left alone as I was

I lost my love, I lost my faith

I lost the trust got disengage

In the dell, in the moist

I’m again a loner left to rust

Life being dastardly ruthless on me

Again and again clenching my weak vein

 I am tired of fighting I lost my trust

I have desist praying, being atheist

I lost all hopes now I surrender

Leave me alone in desolate house

Leave me in my delirium

Leave me to face the clout

I’m enmeshed in this unholy world

Again and again darkness hovers

Can anyone tell me, what’s my fault?

Why every time my tears clot?

Why my questions remain unanswered?

Why my emotions have blizzard?

Yet again life goes on

Why can’t I stop this mourn?

End from tears, end from sufferings

Questions are no more delved

This can only be the ending

Take me back oh! Lord

Take me away from this world

Pain so severe I can’t bear

Stop the wheels of life and fear

I can’t survive, I am lost

Don’t trace me, don’t track me

Let the pain engulf me whole

Now I’m a single soul

Tell me what desert you want for my pain?

Tell me why my cries go in vain?

Where’s my fault in the mystic game of fate

Show me the meaning before it’s too late

Before I die I want to know

Does every love story face this blow?
P.S-this was a poem written long back..posted yet again.had to delete 'cause of some reasons.
~Smita

LIAR

Lies are what they say

What you give universe returns you back

Life never returns the tears you had

Never replenish with happiness you deserved

Lies are what they told

Everything will be fine with the time immemorial

Every problem has a solution

But time never fades the wounds you had

Lies are what they want me to believe

Promises they make to walk along

Dreams they build together to stay forever

They shatter without a sound

Lies are what I trust

When I look in your eyes for a faith

I want to believe, believe you are true

They are just mist vanishes in thin air

Whom should I call a liar?

What more restored for me?

They are never wrong I must say

I am the liar, I lied to myself

I lied to my heart believed on their lies

The truth I get to know

“I lied”

~Smita

As It Rained

It rained again as I got drenched in the winter nights.

Walking down the lane fierce trails of water

Blocking my way through..as I walk down

Shower the grace of god making the land wet

Leaving its traits swirling in grace

And it rained again

The dark nights the faces I saw

Eagerly waiting for it to stop

I want to walk it through…

I want to see the end

Numb my sense froze in cold

Eyes still on my way..still I walk through

Licking the ground shielding the earth

It rained as it never rained before

I paved my way in between the shower

Humming my favorite line

“Long to go before I sleep

 Long to before I sleep” 

~Smita