Until I met you I didn’t know

How to illuminate the heart

Feel the warmth inside

Light and spontaneous

How to chain in one bond

Yet feel so free

 I didn’t realize my dreams are true

Almost I can touch it

As you hold me tight

How could this be so real

Thing I longed so long

How could I never know I can smile

Even when I want to cry

Passing through the hell

How couldn’t I see in your eyes

I am almost me

Unmasked unveiled

How couldn’t I know you will wend through my ways

Unburdened as heaven, unscathed as sea

Only because it’s you and me!

~Smita

Pills

I am holding a pill in my hand

I never thought I have to

All the miseries will end

Give me a few more

This is no way delving life

I feel more remorse

When I know I have to

Why not end it all?

All pain ,all fear will be numb

If this pave my funeral and peace

Then rip my heart deluge the pain

Why cutting the wound  to worse?

Take my life I feel no fear

Is this peace? Is this you want?

Then you sanctified me of what I am not.

~Smita

UNMARKED GRAVE

 

Leave me alone I don’t want to see the next sun rise, let me be on my way in the stealthy darkness. I didn't give a ray of hope or a flicker of happiness. I have always been a jinxed.
This I have been saying to myself for over a year because I can never see any good happening to me. Time has changed gradually and made me so that I have nothing to think any more. I mean I got fatigue, I don’t have the strength to think to analyze anymore. More I think tougher things takes its shape. I got tired, frustrated and depressed. Tired of waiting, frustrated of hoping and depressed of negativity. I knew from childhood that “life is a fair coin” but in this span of years I can’t see any of it. I am not blaming anyone for my failure or my sadness. But I am blaming myself ‘cause I feel I am the culprit. I have slaughtered my own happiness with my own hand. I can never say what I want because I don’t say any more. Whatever left behind is the ash of the flame once used to be. The silhouette standing is just the physical presence. The laughter, joy happiness is now some hues missing from my canvas of life. What I seek for is a lonely corner, a deserted place want to go away unnoticed, unnamed. Why such transformation? Did I ever want to answer this? The answer is NO. I fail to answer my questions.  I hate the flashy lights I hate the morning sun. They burn me down. I like the mysterious night, the deep tired breaths. This is what I am now laying alive with the corps in the unmarked grave.
~Smita

My Baby Doll

A part of me, now apart from me
That's my Baby Doll


She makes me cry, makes me laugh
Makes me feel above the world
Destined to conquer this competitive race
Joyous, Flamboyant, Inane as I can see
That's my Baby Doll


Taught me to cheer, pointing my strength
An epitome of life in hassle days
Pouted her grief & pain in front of me
I'm indulgent, I'm entrusted
'Cause That's my Baby Doll


Changed the mundane life to rustic
Sanctifies her beauty of friendship
I'm lucky to have her here
A myriad thanks to you
My Baby Doll
~Smita

Random Thoughts

Life is indeed a mystery, when it shows different open doors and when it slams it on your face you never know. A perfect roller-coaster ride as people say. But for me it changes its meaning because of the occurrences and people. The one I met leaves few traits in me which are unique as they are. I try to figure out similarity but end up extracting their true quality which are different from others. Casting the differences. Little acts, behavior are so picky and strange that they stays in my heart. Its like even the presence of the person is not there any other person acting the same drowns back the unique quality of the person I know. Fragrance is the other things which makes me believe that person is near to heart. Suddenly the memories are fresh and as if that very day is a day old.That's how memory are stored in life. You never know what you will thing the next second it might retrace you back or portray you the future. But living in present is what life teaches us. Though indeed realizing the lessons of life is tough an tougher to implement.
~Smita

Starting Yet Again

Staring on the blank sheet

I thought, Can I write again?

It has been months since I left

Venting out  what I felt..

Entombed myself to keep his words

A cocoon I had to become

Overstepped myself in every direction

Still can't answer his question

Where I was wrong

What was my mistake

Thought about it over and over

Still couldn't found a trace

Neither murky nor unfaithful

I gave you my all

Still you wanted me to go further

And now  I can't handle it at all

I couldn't be your perfect one

Neither now I dream to be

Got a new gleams of happiness

Something I can believe

The night ends with a dawn

The sun shown bright

You were the dark knight

Loving you was my fallacy

Finally the butterfly left the cocoon

The dark clouds blew

Happiness touched me yet again

Contented with anew

You were there always

But never felt for you before

Thanks to be  in my life

Thanks for being my lover 

P.S- This is dedicated for one I loved and the one I love..