Leave me alone I don’t want to see the next sun rise, let me be on my way in the stealthy darkness. I didn't give a ray of hope or a flicker of happiness. I have always been a jinxed.
This I have been saying to myself for over a year because I can never see any good happening to me. Time has changed gradually and made me so that I have nothing to think any more. I mean I got fatigue, I don’t have the strength to think to analyze anymore. More I think tougher things takes its shape. I got tired, frustrated and depressed. Tired of waiting, frustrated of hoping and depressed of negativity. I knew from childhood that “life is a fair coin” but in this span of years I can’t see any of it. I am not blaming anyone for my failure or my sadness. But I am blaming myself ‘cause I feel I am the culprit. I have slaughtered my own happiness with my own hand. I can never say what I want because I don’t say any more. Whatever left behind is the ash of the flame once used to be. The silhouette standing is just the physical presence. The laughter, joy happiness is now some hues missing from my canvas of life. What I seek for is a lonely corner, a deserted place want to go away unnoticed, unnamed. Why such transformation? Did I ever want to answer this? The answer is NO. I fail to answer my questions. I hate the flashy lights I hate the morning sun. They burn me down. I like the mysterious night, the deep tired breaths. This is what I am now laying alive with the corps in the unmarked grave.
~Smita
